Counting Mistakes

 Once I got a post,
From my future self,
Counting all my goods and faults,
And while counting them I got numb,
I was thinking about all the mistakes,
That I had done and I was about to do,
I guess no one knew if my feelings were ever true,
I remember myself once loving a girl,
More than myself,
I believe it was the wrong time,
And at last, I lost her,
Don't know why
Even though it's been a long time I still miss her,
I thought this feeling will also go,
Like the passing seasons,
But I ignored the fact of the homecoming of it,
Every year makes it more deeper,
I wanted to be a pilot once,
I never told this to anyone,
But only myself,
I remember myself falling out of a tree,
While wanting me to fly and get free,
It's been a long time,
Since my eyes shredded tears,
Even though I still count all my fears,
I once also tried to swim,
Just to sink and die,
I guess it was in the grieve of not being able to fly,
And today I hate myself able to remember these all,
Where I never rise but only fall,
All those pain my future self just flashed on me,
And at the end, it was just a lesson to control my fury,
Because hating sometimes is easier,
Than to be in tears,
I believe I too will be able to do cheers,
Once I forget all those my years !!